Monday, April 10, 2006

 

The Ass/No-Ass Theory

I have this theory that a guy either has an ass or he doesn't. There doesn't seem to be much middle ground when it comes to a guy's derrière. I understand that all guys probably do have some sort of an ass but from an appearance point of view there is a certain percentage out there that look like they have an absent ass or even a slightly concave one (not sure if that is physically possible). I'm attributing some of it to the clothing involved because I rarely see guys wearing spray on jeans. Ok, just gave myself a horrible mental image that I'm going to spend the rest of the day trying to forget. I'd like to point out at this stage that I do not spend my entire time gawking at the derrières of the male species. It was just something that occurred to me one day when a guy walked past and it literally looked like he had no ass at all! Anyway it is just an opinion and I'm not stating a preference one way or another. :-)

Comments:
I've never had an ass but I did have a pony once.
 
Maybe its something like.... if he has an ass, he is an ass, cause he knows he has an ass...and if he hasn't got an ass he is nice to make up for loss of ass....and if its concave then well what can u do!!...get an ass transplant I guess or get a pony!!
 
Hmmm, I'm thinking of doing the female version of this post. According to my conjecture (not strong enough to be called a hypothesis yet :-), all girls have an ass.

However, said ass will fall into one of the following categories... this list is probably incomplete, so feel free to add some more.

1. The Cute Ass
2. The Bootylicious Ass
3. The Big Ole Butt
4. The Phat Ass
5. The Big Mama Butt

Now, it's not like I'm saying one is better than other or anything but I suppose personally I'd be a fan of the cute or bootylicious butt but then again, there's just no accounting for taste.

(Heh, it's late at night on Easter Sunday and I'm fecking bored. Cut me some slack, will ya!)
 
On mature reflection, I feel that I left out the following type of ass...

0. The Skinny Ass
 
I'd have to agree that yes, girls generally do have an ass.

However as with the guys, a girls' ass can look different depending on the clothing that she is wearing. For example a cute ass might be seen as bootylicious if the girl is wearing a fitted pencil skirt or something like that.
 
Perhaps, but there has to be a limit to what can be achieved. In fact, I think that in order to gather some serious research data in order to support my scientific theories in this field, that you and I need to get together and have you try on various outfits so that I can assess the overall impact... all in the name of science you understand.
 
I believe that I have an ass and therefore maybe you need to be the one trying on the outfits to determine whether you really have an ass or not. Maybe it could be called the ass confirmation test.
 
Very assertive of you! I'd be happy to call over and try on some outfits and you can make up you're own mind!
 
MESSAGE
 
MESSAGE
 
Of course all guys have asses.
several types of asses in fact, several types concealed from the open glare of people walking past.

You've got the "down and out ass". which is the one that's saggy even at the young age of 20 and goes in and down rather than up. (the men that rub vegetable oil on in the sun rather than spf, the perverts at the corner pub )

The all Famous "bubble butt". This one makes heads turn and is generally attached to latino men and or muscular males of all ethnicities. (the colt porn star, the gym bunny, the waiter at that restaurant that everyone oggles over)

The cupid bottom or heart shape. this one is the one had by most attractive men, it's a good but not amazing one. it's got a bit of shape, not too rotound and not too flat. (for the boy next door, that assistant manager at Harvey Nick's and the ex boyfriend)

The flat ass. this is generally just unhealthy looking.
(for the chainsmoker or the guy that's too lazy to walk)

"The fat ass" this generally refers to the guy rather than his behind, but is generally a bit mishapen and rarely perky. (for the guy who eats his feelings)

"the hot cross buns"- much like the bubble butt, this one's a fan favourite, though smaller in size but still quite as firm looking. Athletes that do gymnastics and Water polo players generally sport these bad boys on a good day. ( for the active sportsmen)
 
Of course all guys have asses.
several types of asses in fact, several types concealed from the open glare of people walking past.

You've got the "down and out ass". which is the one that's saggy even at the young age of 20 and goes in and down rather than up. (the men that rub vegetable oil on in the sun rather than spf, the perverts at the corner pub )

The all Famous "bubble butt". This one makes heads turn and is generally attached to latino men and or muscular males of all ethnicities. (the colt porn star, the gym bunny, the waiter at that restaurant that everyone oggles over)

The cupid bottom or heart shape. this one is the one had by most attractive men, it's a good but not amazing one. it's got a bit of shape, not too rotound and not too flat. (for the boy next door, that assistant manager at Harvey Nick's and the ex boyfriend)

The flat ass. this is generally just unhealthy looking.
(for the chainsmoker or the guy that's too lazy to walk)

"The fat ass" this generally refers to the guy rather than his behind, but is generally a bit mishapen and rarely perky. (for the guy who eats his feelings)

"the hot cross buns"- much like the bubble butt, this one's a fan favourite, though smaller in size but still quite as firm looking. Athletes that do gymnastics and Water polo players generally sport these bad boys on a good day. ( for the active sportsmen)
 
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