Thursday, June 15, 2006


Speedy Gonzales

I've been breaking the law on a regular basis over the past couple of years but I finally got my comeuppence a couple of days ago. I left my sister's place having had a yummy dinner and headed home to watch some relaxing TV. I threw on the radio and was happily murdering some poor song as I whizzed along when I saw something very unpleasant. As clear as day there was a garda car, a speed camera set up on a tripod (so you couldn't fecking miss it) and three gardaĆ­. Well I knew then that I was well and truly caught. As I got the hand signals from one of the guards to slow down and pull in off the road, I had a brief but almost overwhelming urge to put the boot down and burn rubber. But luckily reality hit and I realised that I probably wouldn't make much of a getaway in my one litre festy. After all, the minute I hit seventy (mph not kmph) the steering wheel starts to shake - nts: I must get that checked out sometime soon. One of the guards strolled over and asked for my licence. Then he toddled off as I frantically rummaged in the glove compartment for my licence. Having found it I sat there waiting for the guard to come back. I nicknamed him Derek because he had that look about him (don't ask). Anyway he took my licence and transcribed my details. He then proceeded to show me the speed camera, I'm presuming this was in case I didn't believe that I had been doing 88 in a 50 zone (that's kmph not mph).I nodded mutely to show that I understood I had exceeded the speed limit. As he was checking my postal address (it's important to get this right so the fine doesn't end up in the wrong place) he remarked in a conversational tone that the gardaĆ­ were having a bit of a blitz at the moment and really clamping down on speeding. He smiled and said that I had probably heard about it on the TV and radio to which I replied (in the driest tone that I could muster) that no, I hadn't heard about it. His parting shot was to inform me that I was now the proud owner of two penalty points on my licence and I could also expect a fine in the post. He turned and strolled back to his colleagues ready to catch the next idiot travelling above the speed limit. I sat there for a minute and then realised that I was free to go on my merry way. I travelled the same route last night and I absolutely crawled through the 50 kmph zone. Resolutely refusing to go above 49 kmph despite the cars whizzing past me at a rate of knots. I felt like putting up a sign saying 'I was caught for speeding recently so you are crazy if you think I'm going any faster than this!'.

Crap! It's nigh on impossible to do 50kph in a 50 zone, people just come flying up behind ya. 2 points shouldn't make any difference to your insurance though.

On another note, did the copper mention anything about sheep not being actually allowed to hold a licence and therefore not being able to earn penaly points (or drive for that matter)!

I think you might have a case against him though, it's one pigs bleet against your baah.
I tried to pull the wool over his eyes but he wasn't having any of it.
Them coppers can be a bit wolly at times... tough break all the same.
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